you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
