omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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