Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
