Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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