i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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