The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
