just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
