you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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