Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
