we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
