I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
