His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
