He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Text me some of your sweat
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
