i was born a porn star she said
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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