By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
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