Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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