So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
