I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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