What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
