just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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