i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize