we're blogging at a bar
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
