I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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