You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
