Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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