fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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