I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The air taste purple.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize