you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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