it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize