i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize