The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
