So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
