if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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