he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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