I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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