how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
