This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize