I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
