if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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