do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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