it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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