i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
