I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
