you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize