Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
