we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
