I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize