not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize