Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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