We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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