I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
