i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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