I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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