He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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