you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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