What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
