I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
