Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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