It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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