You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
