oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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