worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We have started to decorate penises.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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