I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
