Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
