I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
is that a dick in a sweater?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
