____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
