I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
