Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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