sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
