Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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