I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
