In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
