Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
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